Seriously unprofessional cupcakes

Seriously unprofessional cupcakes, $85

Cupcake Party !!! 
Let us host your next birthday party! 
Included in the price are … 
• 24 display cupcakes on carousel wheel 
• Handcrafted, plastic apron for each child with logo 
• 1 decorated, candled cake in shape of cupcake 
• 12 plain cupcakes, sprinkles and topping for “Cupcake Creation Area” 
        where partygoers create their own cupcakes! 
• Extra: If desired, theme invitation and grab-bags can be added! 
Cost for this fun time is only $85! 

If your Mom did this it would be more or less okay, but past that, the shoddiness of the work is going to be apparent. And, for eighty-five bucks?!? What the hell is this lady thinking? It's almost bad enough for Cake Wrecks.

If that wasn't enough disappointment for one party, you can buy $3 worth of dollar-store decorations and gently used paper plates for $25.



What's behind these prices? Gambling debt?

I could not resist clicking on Is your child attending a birthday party in June? - $10, which turned out to be



with even more sales patter:

Don't be caught shopping at the last minute. 
Ceramic Pet Dish Kit 
Paint a sturdy ceramic pet dish in any style for your favourite four-legged friend. Ages 7 and up. 

Never opened. Includes dish, paint and brush. 

Originally $16.99+taxes. 

I like the enthusiasm with the naked greed. This sort of tat goes on sale all the time, $3.99 at Winners, but: Don't be caught shopping at the last minute. Drive cross-town to give this yutz $10!

"Mom, you spent all the money on cupcakes that look like they fell on the floor, my BFF gave me a pet bowl and I don't even have a pet, and there are stains on the fire truck napkins. How can you make my party any worse?"

Having a childs birthday party? As seen in the pic I have
several items used to make up loot bags for children 3-13! 
All items are brand new. everything from giant pencils to 
light up pens to sticky hands to frisbees! and much more. 
I have a few hundred available. I will supply 6 items per 
loot bag. Each loot bag sells for $4. (items are worth .75 to 3.$) 
Let me know how many loot bags you'll need :)  

Nothing in the picture is "worth" even 75c, but I like the optimistic ":)."

And one in the stink

I -- not a prude by any stretch of the imagination -- was shocked to see these in a Victoria's Secret catalogue that arrived yesterday:



4 SRS? I mean, I thought of them as a sort of mainstream underwear retailer, not a hardcore sex shop.

They seem so outright dirty that I assume the male equivalent must be these:





...which we can be grateful are not combined with this:



Can you imagine how revolting if there was a penis emblazoned on the brown and yellow shreddies? Okay. So probably neither idea was a good one, then.

Guest snark -- M. Piper

Risible 'fashion' courtesy Etsy; comments courtesy Mark Piper.

Reversible Two Sided Collar



"On my planet, we wear these to store the health-giving Nerdoid radiation which protects us from ever having to make conversation..."

WildFlower Medallion Obi Belt



"I am strong in The Force - but I'm also fabulous."

Ripstop Nylon Party Dress in Wine



"Oooh, Jennifer, mom is going to be so pissed at the hole you cut in the pool cover."


ed. note: What a surprise to find all three of these items are currently on sale! Don't delay, etc.

Steamed double penis

I am a great fan of allrecipes.com not because I want a new way to use up the leftover Velveeta, but because I like sniggering at the white trashiness of the content. The site has an entire section given over to recipes involving canned cream of mushroom soup. The latter includes an appalling recipe for baby food made with canned soup ("Sodium: 587mg").

Naturally, people enjoy posting pictures.



...supposedly chicken salad. "Those are the leftovers from lunch." Great, pal. Pitch it or cover it and put it in the fridge -- don't goddam take a picture of it.

Here is steamed double penis after a big sneeze



Actually Hot Dog a la Potato. You know without clicking through that the cheese specified is "American." I don't wish to snark on people eating comfort-food crap with cheese nuked on, which can be enjoyable, but...posting "recipes" for it? With a photograph? Tragically, they've made even mac and cheese look inedible:



Rather inexplicably the site includes "recipes" for exotic creations such as Sweetened Whipped Cream, the addition of sugar having heretofore been a trade secret. Much like epicurious.com's Salted Water for Boiling "recipe." The rub lies in the reviews; epicurious.com got nothing but snark for its boiled water, but allrecipes.com has tapped an audience of people for whom whipping cream was a genuine novelty. This recipe works like a charm! So quick and simple, no need to buy the stuff in the can!

FS: unreliable birth control

The real problem with this shit is that it is contagious. Somebody will see this, and think "Gosh, I didn't know you could sell that sort of thing on-line. I still have most of that box of tampons from Costco that I never finished because they were so leaky. It was $20, too, so maybe I can get something for them," and a photograph of a dented box of tampons will go up...



prophylactic and test paper for pregnancy

$10 prophylactic
$3 test paper for pregnancy

("Alesse" is a brand of birth control pills.)

The shape of LOLZ

theshapeofamother.com is a great, if unintentional, source of teh LOLZ. It is seemingly nothing but girls who had a baby and who now look fine posting pictures of themselves thin saying "See how hideous I am" in order to get a pile-up of people posting "You look awesome and I wish I could be you!" or, girls who had a baby and who are now fat, posting pictures of themselves in order to hear a lot of "Me too."

Many are teen-agers. Here's Britney, who says "I hate being body continuous[sic]. I’ve never been like this before!"





Yeah, you can totally tell she was never "body continuous" before what with the heels and bikini snaps. Here's her "after" shot:



Ha ha, u is tramp.

Mummy of two darlings moans when I look at my belly I feel so disappointed. I wouldn’t change having my children for any model’s body, and having to experience both my babies fight in hospital has made me so thankful for what I have. I am slowly learning to accept my new body and realise that the old one is gone for good. I am never going to look like my baby-less friends but I have something far more precious than their flab free, stretch mark free tummies! Yeah, I'm not really buying the lack of envy for a "model's body."

But how horrible is Two Darlings' "baby belly I am still trying to accept"?



Eww, hideous!

Is it wrong to LOLZ at this? I don't think so, especially not when they post dross like There were stretch marks there, but they were as sand beneath my fingertips, gentle ripples to echo the motion of the tide against the shore; the swelling tide of pregnancy and the receding tide of birth... And when they're not spouting nonsense, they're just plain shallow. Few of these girls are realistic about anything, and the site's a clusterfuck of encouragement for their delusions.

The Bridesmaid's Dilemma.

Bridesmaid's dresses are not really 'dresses' per se. They're more like costumes. Badly sewn (see above) polyester costumes. So what to do with them after the wedding? Well, you could do what my aunt once did, viz: give it to your niece for her dress-up box. Man, I got a lot of mileage out of that bizarre gown...

However, the used bridesmaid's dress in the closet + free classifieds is too much of a lure for the greedy, and thus there is a great deal of

Five Alfred Angelo Cinnamon dresses. Brand new, never worn. Paid $231.65 each (proof of purchase available). Would like to sell each one for $150 ... better deal if you buy all five.

Sizes : 6 - 14 -16 - 18 - 22

and

I paid $200 for it and letting it go at $125. A great deal!

on Craigslist et al. As though it were really likely that somebody else happens to have a collection of five naked bridesmaids, one medium, two large, two XL. And this somebody else has no interest in being able to choose from a variety of dresses, and 35% off -- 35% off clothing, a commodity without a fixed price which goes on sale all the damn time -- would make these things with their funny smells in the armpit and sticky ? on the hem suddenly appealing.



Oh, come now. Bring it to the Sally Ann or your niece...



...you knew it was bad when you cropped your head off.

Bridesmaids' dresses, even new, invariably come with the same sort of built-in warning that Reitman's and other bad-idea cheap clothing ads do, viz:



if it does not look good on the model, it -- no question -- will not look good on you. It takes a lot of gall to charge big prices for these crappy frocks in the first place, but the retailers are also selling The [Wedding] Dream &c; trying to sell it a second time, when it simply looks lousy and advertises 'I was had,' is amoral.

Antler Chandelier

"Buy mine for $600.00..." Hurry, these are going fast.

Etsy modelling special.

"Dress"



christ tattoos look stupid on 97% of tattooed folk

"Sweater"



"Dress" 2



"Underpants on head man"

Dueling t-shirts

T-shirts for children with messages that help promote positive attitudes and behaviors.

Albeit with some conflicts.





The thoroughly bizarre listing for the latter advises, "Use a pedifile to remove dry skin on heals." Might be hard to talk him into it if you're wearing the first tee, though.

3-in-1

When closed it acts as a fire place with mantel. There is a log that you plug in to look like an actual fire.



But wait, there's more! When opened you can display the record player and 8 track tape machine.

A steal at $50. I like the shot glasses, knick-knackery, and tidy collection of phone books. All that's missing from is a set of wally dugs; it's a strangely Scottish display. This is classic basement Canadiana at its finest and I bet the "wood" parts have at least two hundred layers of Lemon Pledge on them.

From the same seller:



...unsurprisingly.

"Chair" and "table"

For ur house!



$60.

LOLZ u make nice stuff

After crapping on so many crafters I couldn't resist smiling about somebody doing a nice job. GrandmaLindasHouse ("Proud member of Wild Wise Witty Grandmamas Team") makes stylish Barbie garments at exceptionally reasonable prices.







Stylish coat with handknitted scarf, $8; retro tunic, $3, green paisley dress, $4. My daughter is not (yet?) a Barbie fan, but if she was I'd be shopping here. That she's taken the time to adorn the $4 dress with Barbie-scale buttons is amazing. Stylish stuff, and the reviews compliment the sewing. Nicely done, Grandma Linda.

Ew.

In the used-furniture section of usedottawa.com: "A bed women love."

A "Black leathered frame, Queen size waterbed." In good shape; only a few notches.

Pipe cleaner heart ??? = PROFIT!!!

There's a lot wrong with this -- it's ugly, it's an absurd $425 ("During these hard times I would be willing to work out a time period to pay for this lovely one of a kind piece!"), but the real LOLZ come from the pipe cleaner heart.



Like she had her six-year-old set it up. I'm surprised there's not a little pile of gold glitter beside it, too.

Shut up idiots!

If you idiots are wise enough to state that this product is fake then why the hell will you purchase a 24 pcs MAC brushes if you all knew so well that a single MAC brush will cost about $20 and up. Stop your non-sense already and get on with your life, Before you buy something make sure to read the reviews and check for more information about the products that you're trying to purchase, I hate stupid people who will buy something and then return it just because they are DUMB. Why are you guys even coming here to amazon if you all have money to buy like what other people is saying,To get a cheap deal? But why still come here if you can afford to buy the original one, Why don't you just wait for the season sale and help yourself with all the authentic stuffs that you would like to purchase and or Why don't you just drag yourself to the mall and save yourself time and give us other buyers a break. Now a days more people are being wise on how to use their money and I'm not saying I'm siding to those people who produce fake products but So what if it's fake, I'm not saying its not usable.If it can save me money in all cost then why not, Quality is good is you have a lot of money in your pocket but if you don't then its quantity over quality. Stop with this harsh reviews already. If you suspect that there is something wrong with the price and the product then don't purchase it. It's as simple as that.

From a retailer of fake M.A.C. brushes on amazon.com

Custom ruffle rumba

What is this?



A costume, some sort of Space Slut from a cartoon you haven't seen yet? No, it's "etsykids EURO shirred Black white and PINK Michael Miller Fabric custom Boutique Spring summer set," whatever the fuk that is. $120!

From the same bad seamstress -- check out the fall of these pants -- is a "BoUtiQue CuStom RuFFle RUMBA SIS BOOM Mod Girls Pant and Halter set PinK GreeN fun set bcmm hc."



A relative bargain at $65. But I don't even understand what this is. "bcmm hc"?? Where would you take a child wearing this? It's not dressy and I'm sure it's "too nice" (to somebody) for play. Custom ruffle rumba rolls off the tongue nicely, though.

Punk, through the eyes of a Mom in Oshawa.

These are slightly less than truly terrible until you notice the price -- $115.

For that price, lady, you could've at least done it properly with liquid paper and ball-point pen, not sissy fabric paints. And found a decent colour and cut for the jeans.

If my daughter ever does this to her pants I'm going to make sure she does it properly...

i want to by this but i dont want to interact with u

hi i have a play structure for sale and a teeter totter for sale u can buy them as the pair for 50 o.b.o or if u just want the one play structure is 40 o.b.o and the teeter totter is 20 o.b.o so let me know the lowest i well go for the play structure is 30 and the teeter totter well be 10 anyways on the plat structure theres like duct tape on the top of the slide but still works great let me know thanx and have a great day hi everyone i still have the play structure for sale so let me know thanx

Huh? Via usedottawa.com