Bad babywearing.

Only on Etsy is an old bedsheet worth $35, and only on Etsy is an old bedsheet something people might conceivably want to wear.



Don't like slings? Try this wrap. The bad aesthetics of "mom jeans" aren't just for pants anymore! $65.



Just plain not into carrying your baby? That's cool; you can stuff him in an acrylic tube...

Chav 2-for-1

This sort of thing always makes me feel a bit uneasy. Ottawa was, fairly recently, not large or poor enough to support this sort of thing. Moving to Washington, DC in 1997 I was amazed by all the skanky-looking 'nail boutiques.' You just don't, or at least didn't, see this sort of ghetto beauty salon stuff in suburban Canada...



And, as though that weren't bad enough on its own... Ottawa being metropolitan enough for designer knock-offs is a relative novelty, too.



Chav! Inappropriately advertised on ottawa.kijiji.ca.

A confusing exhibit.

Kittydearest on Etsy offers a variety of "clothes" --







It's great stroke material, sure, but who's buying the "crafts" displayed here? Ill-fitting dresses made from old acrylic sweaters...this is bizarre stuff. It's like looking at a six-year-old wrapping herself up in the shower curtain and calling it an evening gown and talking about how she's going to be a fashion designer. But this six-year-old has tattoos and a URL, and the overall effect is unsettling.

Garage sale: $1, On-line: $175

$175.00 firm. Adorn any room with this beautiful hand stitched girl with basket of flowers in an elegant gold frame. Size 19 1/2 x 23 1/2.

WAHM dreams die hard.

WAHM = work-at-home mother.

They make some pretty awful stuff in order to cover the cable bill. Sometimes I feel bad and don't want to LOLZ at it, but sometimes it's so ridiculous you can't not. These 'bows' are a peeve of mine.





There's no dignity involved for the ladies making these or for the children getting them stuck on their heads. Even the little girl knows Mom's taste sucks.



Shit-eating grin via Screw you Mom I hate you so much for doing this to me. I look like a CLOWN. I hate you I hate you I hate you

All bows from bellainbows.com -- not merely purveyors of hideous head toppings, they're also running a gentle scam whereby they entice you to become a sales rep (sorry, "Sales Rep," capitalized) -- as soon as you send them $30. (And more: "The starter kit is not included in the $30 packet.")

Handmade underpants.

"Because the sides tie for a custom fit, sizing is very adaptable and forgiving." Nothing, it turns out, says "sexy" like handmade underpants you bought on the web.



Etsy, of course. Presumably kin to this adult diaper:



A relative bargain at $10. "MODELLED BY MY SEXY 44 YEAR OLD PARTNER YOU WILL RECIEVE A FRESH MADE ONE AS HE'S PUT ALL THE SAMPLES IN HIS DRAWER:)" In a paper bag, under an old sweater. Please never mention them again.

I am teh hawt. I am teh designer!

Only $265 for this "dress," "made from an antique quilt top and an antique cotton feed sack."



From the same seller, "Pretty Birdie," this "Pheasant" [sic] top. A steal at $65. "This garment can be worn many different ways. It can be worn various ways as a top, or as a skirt over leggings or shorts."



Mmm hmm. Very nice. Does this girl even know the only people who will even think of buying her junk are perverts who want to sniff it while looking at her pictures? I can't tell anymore.

What is it with these retards?

What is it with these retards who see Craigslist et al and decide every bit of garbage in their house is worth something, and that lots of people want to drive over to buy these tiny-ticket items instead of getting it in a nearby shop with convenient hours? I mean the crap that wouldn't even get takers on Freecycle.

Drug addiction? Gambling problem? WTF? This lady wants to sell you old towels for ten bucks --



Via usedottawa.com. From the same seller, two make-up bags she got for free, for ten bucks again, which makes the whole thing greedy rather than merely, and more benignly, stupid:



Via.

The poor bastard.

This made me do a little self-check where I had to go back and think if I had ever forced bad crafts on a boyfriend. I made some dubious hippy beaded necklaces in high school, but I think they were gratefully received at the time...



Price: $60!!

Via Etsy. This time of year everyone needs a hoodie, and one that can take you into the next season. What a great piece for layering. The hood's made a teense snug so as to 1) resemble Southpark Kenny some and 2) keep winds from blasting your ears... Like my baby and toddler hoodies, this one's made from scrap yarns, all acrylics.

Fashion Consultant & Personal Shopper.

Headless personal shopper seeks frilly, green clients.





Via usedottawa.com. "Looking for a passionate fashion consultant or personal shopper to help you with your wardrobe? Look no further... "